"YOU NEED CHAOS IN YOUR SOUL TO GIVE BIRTH TO A DANCING STAR".
Nietzsche © Copyright applies to all content: 2007/08/09/10/11/15/16/17...

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

REVISED...
I took the advise of my friend Kianseng and revised my last posted poem.
What do YOU think?
.
.
TO SLEEP A DREAM
.
Ah….. to sleep a dream…
To dream a thousand dreams
Of unvisited languages and places
Of unknown songs and spaces
.
To sleep a dream
Of forbidden hands and faces
Of stolen moments and graces
.
To sleep a dream
Of snakes and demons
Of relentless storms and rebellions
.
Ah… to sleep the dream …
To have had to dream a thousand dreams
To sleep the dream
Of forests, rains
Of our soaked, vapor enveloped
Wild-vine entangled bodies
.
Ah…… to sleep the dream….
.
.

TO SLEEP A DREAM

Ah
….. to sleep a dream…
To dream a thousand dreams
Of capricious and singular enchantment

To sleep a dream
Of unvisited languages and
places
Of unknown songs and spaces

To sleep a dream
Of forbidden hands and faces
Of stolen moments and graces

To
sleep a dream
Of snakes and demons
Of relentless storms and rebellions

To sleep a dream
Of catac
lysmic proportions
Of un-mentionable losses

Ah… to sleep the dream …
To have had to dream a thousand dreams
Of conv
oluted passages
Of dark fears and stunned stutters

To sleep the dream
Of
forests, rains
and unleashed passion
Of our soaked, vapor enveloped
Wild-vine entan
gled bodies
Contorting in abandon, resting
On exotic bloom cov
ered warm soil
.
Ah…… to sleep the dream….

.
.


.

24 comments:

iamnasra said...

You are so beautiful...
To sleep the dream ...is within layers and layers of words
That scripted over the sky
Waiting for your hands to pick them
So your soul will write them
Into you heart ..

Thank you for being who you are

"Angeldust" said...

You made me cry...
:)
how sweet are you dear Nasra, to gift me with such kind words!?

Many blessings to you

Katie McKenna said...

wondrous and insightful!

QUASAR9 said...

Hi Angel Dust, Magic
The Dream within the dream
to dream to dream a thousand dreams!

"Angeldust" said...

OWah Katie
"wondrous and insightful"... hmm I wish I would know more.... (?)

Big hug - have a great weekend!

"Angeldust" said...

Hello Q dearest

yeah.... kind of cool to dream a thousand dreams to get to "that" one dream....

Loads of dusties for ya - hoping you have a wonderful weekend.

Plus Ultra said...

hello, You asked for my opinion....I think it is very good! Try tightening it by leaving out first and fifth paragraphs, and perhaps also by not repaeating too often the phrase "ah, to dream', Kianseng

Plus Ultra said...

Tighten, leave out what does not add, try this: 1st para, retain first 2 lines, 2nd para delete first line then combine 1 & 2 paragraph into one. Delete the whole of paragraph 5. 6th paragraph. leave out last line , 7th pargrap leave out last line, then combine 6 and 7 paragraph. Last paragraph leave out 3rd line and the last line. Try it, email it to me but smoohen it first. I tell you it will be fantastic, one secret in poetry d: dont tell everything, let the reader guess some things...and the reader will be intrigued and come back for more. Tell me what you think by posting reply to multiply blog under reviews, thanks, as it is it is still an excellent poem.Post your rewrite as soon as possible, I cant wait for the results.

"Angeldust" said...

Will do Kianseng - as soon as I got a minute - ans inspired minute that is...

I write on impulse with no technique whatsoever!

I wake up, get a feeling and I write it down.
This will be an interesting - mindful - exercise.

Thank you Master!

Anonymous said...

How are you --
Hope all is well with u -up there. Thanks for ur visit in my humble house...

Just to let u know about Amias she has and info site of her book on
http://www.mindlocks.com/
and she has blog which she does not use much at the moment as she has to finish on her 2nd book publishing

This her blog http://liquidplastic.blogspot.com/
if you wish to leave a comment

TC
Nasra

Anonymous said...

I did see ur comment to me, Hey I did not want to make you cry, but I hope they where droplet of happiness

I came back to tell you that Amias has
http://mindlocksthebook.blogspot.com/
this blog too

"Angeldust" said...

Thanks for the follow up dear Nasra.

I will find some time to take a peek at Amias' blogs these next couple of weeks.
(yeees, days are turning into week - I must accept that!)

-------

The tears were a result of being moved by your kindness.

Love and joy

QUASAR9 said...

Angel Dust,
the never ending dream
like flowing on runnings waters
we have to let the dream flow
never quite sure what tomorrow will have to show
or where tomorrow will bring us to shore.

Wishing you a great bank holiday weekend!

"Angeldust" said...

I see I cannot rely on you for "technical" advise...

I definitely like your contribution dear Q

Wonderful holiday to you too - bank - that is what's called in Britsland, ah?
Big hug

Pauline said...

Both versions are delightful. It is always dangerous to ask for opinions. I am sure you often feel the need to rearrange all on your own. I say when it comes from within leave it alone!

Paul said...

Either way I like the interface of the human/natural in this.

"Angeldust" said...

Dear Pauline
thank you so much for your kind words, much appreciated as in this particular "experiment" all opinions count.
I happen to favor the later now.
I appreciate its "tidiness", technically speaking (as if I would know!) :)

I think of myself as a writer not a poet - particularly becuase I am so long-winded ... a cultural "malfunction" lol

I am trying to refine a potential style.
I do hear that poetry is changing and the it has tendencies to be prose...

(Kianseng's advise was requested, as he is an admired (by myself) an accomplished/published in various languages master - been reading him for a while now)

Love and joy

"Angeldust" said...

Dear Paul

Yeah.... I like that too
:) mmmhmmmm!

Big Hug

Songo said...

To sleep a dream or to awake a fantasy to reality?
It`s a fabulous exploration through the Soul & Nature!
My dearer Path Farer, you have a great text here!

"Angeldust" said...

You caught on Songo...
"to wake a fantasy to reality"!

I have decided to "create" that new reality that feels confortable to the heart.

Too much angst and pain - don't want it any more.

thank you for your visit and words

Plus Ultra said...

One of the secrets of poetry is to work and work at it until it comes out just right, it is exactly like sculpture, and oils....I am reminded of what RS Thomas said but I will keep it for another rainy day

"Angeldust" said...

I apreciate your feedback and comments - a real gift!!!

I have to re-train myself, work more methodically rather thatn on impulse - which is what I was doing with apinting but I am also changing that to a planned out execution.

I used to feel the "true" creativity was lost in deliberate minutia...

As we everything else, it a process.

Anonymous said...

I hope you are well my dear one

Nasra

"Angeldust" said...

I am "hanging in" - thank you...

love and hugs