"YOU NEED CHAOS IN YOUR SOUL TO GIVE BIRTH TO A DANCING STAR".
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Friday, March 23, 2007

for -give vt., vi. -gave’ -giv’en, -giving (OE. forgiefan) to give up resentment against or the desire to punish; pardon (an offense or offender) for-giv’a-ble adj. – for-givness n. – for-giv’er n.

I have found that there are people that I am able to forgive – “almost” no matter what – and some others I find not only extremely difficult, but almost impossible to. Believing the one addressing now, as one that surely fell into that last category.
Interestingly, when someone "goofs-up", generally, it becomes one of those times when I seriously take “intent” into consideration…

A few weeks ago a “friend” - coz’ that is how I felt/thought of him – slowly becoming such through time, sharing some of my ups and downs including even some adventures and general mischief. I got to trust him ...

By now, you must know that I am “all about relationships” and, none is meaningless no matter how fleeting (an encounter) it may be. In addition, I trust that there are no accidents in life and everyone entering my life comes “baring gifts” and/or lessons to learn.
I did not quiet know what the “significance” of his presence in my life meant until last night.

You see, we had, what I would loosely qualify as a misunderstanding (?). As it happens on rare occasions, I misread the smoke signals – or maybe not… in any event, we had a flurry of words and we each kept in our own little corner of the world since.
He (over) reacted to my understanding and hurt me very deeply, as it happens when you care about someone…
I knew from the onset he would never, ever apologize.
Having been swift – in a way – to react out of a possibly perceived awkward position , he would find himself in a worst predicament now… up to his eyeballs, I'd say!

For myself, I felt angry, hurt, got over it, and of course - was never to forgive him - who cares! (!?) Life went on - goes on.

However, last night, I had the opportunity, and allowed myself the time - unbeknownst to him - to look at his face and into his eyes - to look at his soul.
Soon, involuntary tears started cascading down my cheeks as I allowed the sorrow/ sadness/aloneness and raw vulnerability they expressed to reach my core… No one should live with such heavy heart, absolutely no one.
At that moment I realized I forgave him
unfortunately, most likely he will never know.

He came to my life to teach me some more about forgiveness.
I am at peace with him. My heart goes out to him.


August 9, 2006 - 11:05AM
"The remarkable thing is that we really love our neighbor as ourselves: we do unto others as we do unto ourselves. We hate others when we hate ourselves. We are tolerant toward others when we tolerate ourselves. We forgive others when we forgive ourselves. We are prone to sacrifice others when we are ready to sacrifice ourselves."
- Eric Hoffer -

(Originally posted on August 7.06)


March 23,07
I have reached out to him a few times since. A guarded, faint response from his part came my way.Obviously I would have liked more; given the developments and the hidden/background effects we have on each other it would be so much "better" to just resume our relationship from which we both have benefited, and still can, so very much.
It appears it is not meant to be ...hm

16 comments:

dragonflyfilly said...

hmmmmm, i would not be so sure that he does not know that you have forgiven him...i do believe that as soon as a thought is "spoken" or even just written, it goes out there, into the ether of the universe and is somehow transmitted. that is why spiteful gossip is so hurtful, even if people do not repeat it, it is OUT THERE.... ~~~ the spoken (or written) word changes everything ~~~~ i truly believe that!

by i am glad you were able to find some compassion and forgiveness in your heart. The Buddah teaches us compassion, and there is something self-healing when we can ask for forgiveness for intentionally or unintentionally hurting someone or something, as well as being able to forgive those who have intentionally or unintentionally hurt us.

love and light,
pj

"Angeldust" said...

Nice words dear PJ

Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

There was no thought involved - a totally “spontaneous” occurrence.
Must admit my heart feels much, much lighter.

Yes, it all carries SOOOO much ENERGY...
The saying: “Sticks and stones can hurt me, but words can not” should be abolished from the English culture/vocabulary and conscience… just to start…

Love and blessings
-.a.-

Anonymous said...

I totally agree. For some unknown reason we always seem to be forgiving very easily but not only easily but frequently some people and we have a hard time forgiving others. Is it that we are harder with some people than with others? or is it that we expect more from some people, they don' fulfill our expectations, we get hurt or dissapointed and then we have to forgive them. While others, we don't expect much from them, we don't get hurt and we don't have anything to forgive? I ask myself that question very often.
I do agree, as soon as "forgiveness" is out there, the other person feels it even if they are not close or they don't "hear" about it. There is almost a feeling in the air that the person that is being forgiven feels.
Many times, we have to forgive people when they are not even aware that they have hurt us. That I can deal with; however, there are some that just go about life hurting and hurting and don't care how other people feel, they don't have any consideration for other people feelings. That raises the question. Does everyone deserve to be forgiven? always? Who are we to determine this? for our own mental health we should forgive but should everyone receive it?

QUASAR9 said...

Love it!

Forgiveness is paramount,
kindness and generosity of Spirit flow from it.

Love can be so many things, some love to hate, and cannot forgive.
Yet they expect forgiveness for them selves.
The parable of the Man brought before the king (judge) for he owed a very large unpaid debt. The judge in his generosity lets him off. The Man on walking outside having just been forgiven a vast debt, finds someone who owes him a few shekels, and grabbing him by the scruff of the neck threatens to have him locked up if he does not pay. What do you think the judge or king will do to this Man, when he is brought before him again.

Forgiveness means unbound and unfettered love, with no hate. Here's wishing you a lovely day and for the weekend thebest of the rest.

"Angeldust" said...

Thank you both (not so) anonymous (must find you a nome de plume girl...)
and Quasar 9

Both your posting require thought. I like to respond as soon as I can focus back on this very important topic.

In the meantime...
A joyful weekend to both, and PJ...

-.a.-

"Angeldust" said...

Señorita Anonymous
I spend over an hour writing my response, it is "somewhere" lost in my PC - I cannot do it again not now - this bellow, is all that remains from it... the ending:
As quasar said; “Forgiveness is paramount, kindness and generosity of Spirit flow from it."
And, “Forgiveness means unbound and unfettered love, with no hate.

Chausito
-.a.-


QUASAR9 dear

I don’t know this parable but, I would guess he will be forgiven again… some people are reeeeeeeally slow learners, which brings me to the question, must we remain by their side (or their vicinity) for multiple lifetimes?
All joshing aside, what is “your” practice, your process?
Do you mind sharing?

Joy
-.a.-

iamnasra said...

It takes a willpower to forgive ...Its been awhile for me here ..Hope you are okay

"Angeldust" said...

Dear Nasra - yes, it has been a while...
I am fine, thank you, busy preparing for my upcoming shows.
Hope you are also well.

We have just been talking with a friend about forgiveness bieng a process - in my opinion - a three stage process, as with everything...

Not easy at all, at times - particularly difficult if I perceive malice.

Margie said...

Forgiving souls radiate in the peace of their forgiveness.
It's a true sense of peace, don't you agree?

Wonderful post from you.
We all can learn from it.
Thanks, Alica!

Been so very busy....no time to call today....I'll try tomorrow evening.

BIG HUG!

"Angeldust" said...

Well, dear Margie... I did I mention it is a process and sometimes it is not an easy thing to do....

I'll be around most of Mon. and Tues., a "goner" the rest of the week!

Hope we can connect and that all is well with you.

Big hug back

Pauline said...

This is a lovely article,one in which each human can relate. We have all needed to forgive as well as to be forgiven. I find it interesting that our small circle of readers seem to experience or at least reveal our thoughts in some similar time frame. Fascinating for me to read your article, while I have one written but not yet ready to share of my own experience on just this subject. Love to you and soon the joy of spring's new beginning....

iamnasra said...

Thanks for the comment, I hope all is going for your show...

Praying its going to be a a hit

iamnasra said...

I forgot to tell :

www.livinginpoetry.blogspot.com has a tribute for Paul of spiritualdiablog and now in his new website www.originalfaith.com. Hope u can join us in this tribute and if you can helps us spread the word among his blog friends
Thanks, see u there

Paul said...

I find forgiveness a really complicated topic. I'm not sure whether I'll even attempt it on my own blog.

I used to think I understood it perfectly! But while it turns out my point of view applies to some situations, things can get more complicated than I'd thought. A lot of factors can become involved - the degree to which one is wronged, whether the offenses have ceased or are ongoing, the nature of the prior relationship of the two people... etc.

Thank you for your words over at Nasra's blog -

"Angeldust" said...

I am with you Paul
Just took part on a Grief workshop and, of course the topic came up - for me "some" trespasses only God may forgive... the others are a process and one needs to learn to honor oneself first..
WE are going through a behavour fad again anmd must not fall for all its sweet trappings of "sainthood"

I will be over at LIP again ad leave a comment..

Hope you are keepinf well
((Big Hug))

Katie McKenna said...

I remember being told that what we dislike in others is simply a reflection of what we see and dislike in ourselves. While he may know that you have forgiven him, he may not be able to forgive you simply out of pride or ego... or because he does not know how . Then again, by forgiving you he might realize it is himself that truly needs forgiven, because it was not you but himself.