for -give vt., vi. -gave’ -giv’en, -gi’ving (OE. forgiefan) to give up resentment against or the desire to punish; pardon (an offense or offender) – for-giv’a-ble adj. – for-giv’ness n. – for-giv’er n.
I have found that there are people that I am able to forgive – “almost” no matter what – and some others I find not only extremely difficult, but almost impossible to. Believing the one addressing now, as one that surely fell into that last category.
Interestingly, when someone "goofs-up", generally, it becomes one of those times when I seriously take “intent” into consideration…
A few weeks ago a “friend” - coz’ that is how I felt/thought of him – slowly becoming such through time, sharing some of my ups and downs including even some adventures and general mischief. I got to trust him ...
By now, you must know that I am “all about relationships” and, none is meaningless no matter how fleeting (an encounter) it may be. In addition, I trust that there are no accidents in life and everyone entering my life comes “baring gifts” and/or lessons to learn.
I did not quiet know what the “significance” of his presence in my life meant until last night.
You see, we had, what I would loosely qualify as a misunderstanding (?). As it happens on rare occasions, I misread the smoke signals – or maybe not… in any event, we had a flurry of words and we each kept in our own little corner of the world since.
He (over) reacted to my understanding and hurt me very deeply, as it happens when you care about someone…
I knew from the onset he would never, ever apologize.
Having been swift – in a way – to react out of a possibly perceived awkward position , he would find himself in a worst predicament now… up to his eyeballs, I'd say!
For myself, I felt angry, hurt, got over it, and of course - was never to forgive him - who cares! (!?) Life went on - goes on.
However, last night, I had the opportunity, and allowed myself the time - unbeknownst to him - to look at his face and into his eyes - to look at his soul.
Soon, involuntary tears started cascading down my cheeks as I allowed the sorrow/ sadness/aloneness and raw vulnerability they expressed to reach my core… No one should live with such heavy heart, absolutely no one.
At that moment I realized I forgave him – unfortunately, most likely he will never know.
He came to my life to teach me some more about forgiveness.
I am at peace with him. My heart goes out to him.
August 9, 2006 - 11:05AM
"The remarkable thing is that we really love our neighbor as ourselves: we do unto others as we do unto ourselves. We hate others when we hate ourselves. We are tolerant toward others when we tolerate ourselves. We forgive others when we forgive ourselves. We are prone to sacrifice others when we are ready to sacrifice ourselves."
- Eric Hoffer -
(Originally posted on August 7.06)
I have reached out to him a few times since. A guarded, faint response from his part came my way.Obviously I would have liked more; given the developments and the hidden/background effects we have on each other it would be so much "better" to just resume our relationship from which we both have benefited, and still can, so very much.
It appears it is not meant to be ...hm